Don't Look for Your Soul Mate

How to Find Mr. or Ms. Right

From Relationship Advice from the Relationship Coach,
A regular column by Rinatta Paries, Jun 20, 2002

Summary:
Many singles rush into each new relationship with the heartfelt belief that they have finally found "the one." But in these instances, both individuals usually wind up bewildered and alone. Today I'll explain why this happens, and I'll show you how to build a relationship that is sure to stand the tests of time. Enjoy!

If you look for a soul mate, you are likely to find a relationship that leaves you bewildered and alone soon after it begins. Instead, look for a partner and a best friend to whom you are attracted.

I hear it over and over again; "We were so compatible...we fell in love at first sight...we committed to each other right way...we had so much in common...it is as if we have known each other all of our lives...etc." Yet the relationship fell apart, my soul mate's behavior radically changed. What happened?

What happens when you look for a soul mate? You look for someone with whom you can feel at home, right away. You look for someone who will understand you and give you what you want and need, right away. You look for an extraordinary sense of recognition, connection and attraction.

Instead, what you find is someone who is willing to melt with you, to let go of boundaries that define the self. You find someone who is willing for a time to be for you whomever and whatever you want. And you me
In a long-term relationship, one that hopefully will last for the rest of your life, you want to just be and have that be enough, have that be appreciated. So just be in the beginning -- it will either be good enough, maybe even extraordinary, or not.

Don't rely on each other too much.
Don't need each other to fix life, emotional or financial problems. Emotions and loyalties get confused when new partners try to save each other. Keep the relationship clean and be together because you want to, not because you need to.

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Slow way down.
Take the relationship very slow. Savor each milestone: the first time you hold hands, the first kiss, the first afternoon spent together. Don't rush in search of the holy grail of
"relationships." If you end up together, these "firsts" will only happen once. If you don't end up together, you are more likely to end the relationship sooner and more cleanly if you have not rushed in headfirst.

Build a friendship.
Building a good friendship takes time, effort, risk, communication, compassion, honesty. Do it - it is this friendship that will serve as a foundation of your relationship.Now doesn't this sound better than the cycle of finding love and then losing it again?

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find

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