ADHD - Doing for others what we struggle to do for ourselves?

June 2006 - Volume III - Issue VI

ADHD - Doing for others what we struggle to do for ourselves?

Statement: My intent in this newsletter is to express as quickly as possible my own beliefs and opinions on matters. I have no problems with people who disagree with my opinion and have even been swayed to rethink my position from time to time. We are still taking book orders for my new book "ADHD and The Criminal Justice System" and you can get my author's discount from the http://www.addcorridorcoaching.com/book.asp

The first ADHD poster a positive approach to ADHD is also available at this web site http://www.addcorridorcoaching.com/poster.asp

Read past newsletters at http://www.addcorridorcoaching.com/newsletters.asp

NEWSLETTER

Many people with ADHD have told me and I myself experience the dilemma of being able to do for others the same things we struggle to do for ourselves. I am talking about helping out a friend or family member clean and organize their home, while having trouble motivating ourselves to do the same at our own homes.

It seems that being asked to help out someone or volunteering at our children's school or at our church to do a task that we find difficult to do at home brings out our best efforts and we amazingly can do a masterful job. This usually results in rants and raves from others which quickly fall on deaf ears to us because we realize we have just done a great job on behalf of someone else. We then begin having guilty feelings about not being able to transfer this skill to our own home. I have known custodians whose buildings are spotlessly clean and whose homes are a disaster. Bookkeeper's who maintain meticulous and balanced books and fail to balance their own checkbooks on a monthly basis. Women who have coordinated whole fundraising events but who struggle to be able to plan their ten year olds birthday party.

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The reason for this paradox confuses and frustrates us and makes no sense.

I think the answer lies in the fact that we want people to like and respect us so when we do something that will reflect on us in the public eye we put our best efforts forward and strive to receive some positive recognition from others that we struggle to be able to obtain from ourselves. We take pride in the job well done we did for others and then go home and criticize ourselves for our inability or difficulty in completing these same tasks for our own family.

I feel that at home we are obligated only to ourselves or our loved ones who unfortunately are the easiest people to put off or procrastinate with, just as they are often the easiest and most likely to receive the brunt of our daily frustrations that we cannot vent professionally at work. The old stories of the Carpenter's wife who never gets her house addition completed or the plumber's wife whose drains are plugged up has a surprising and familiar ring to those of us with ADHD.

I have found that sometimes I can use my successes with doing for others as a motivation to make at least a dent in some of my cleaning duties at home. I can use the fact that I completed a given amount of work in a certain amount of time as a tool to try to duplicate this same amount of work in my garage or home. Unfortunately it does not seem to last long and then a few weeks later I may find my area has somehow returned to its normal disorganized state.

If you have any thoughts on this phenomenon and why it seems so common or ways you have made improvements in your life by doing for others I would be interested in hearing your thoughts or ideas.

Talk to you next month

Patrick Hurley
addcorridorcoach@aol.com

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