The Marriage of Inner and Outer Worlds

The Marriage of Inner and Outer Worlds

Ever notice that some people seem to be energized by crowds and activity while others are drained by these same situations? Psychologist Carl Jung noticed the same phenomena and used it as the basis for his concept of introversion and extroversion. Using this approach to studying personality, Jung discovered that a person’s interactions with his environment can be understood and predicted by determining where an individual’s energy is predominantly focused –on the inner or outer worlds. People who are mainly concerned with the outer world of objects and people are termed extroverts. Those who are mainly concerned with the inner world of ideas and impressions are termed introverts. These personality types are not a matter of conscious choice. Studies have shown that they are evident from infancy and that they are distributed between both sexes and at all levels of society. Like other personality traits, introversion and extroversion exist along a continuum --no one is a pure type. Whatever our dominant inclination, we all have the potential for the opposite behavior within us. While introverts can engage in extroverted activities and vice versa, long periods of enforced non-type behavior can lead to stress-related illness and general emotional distress. Because their energy is typically focused on different arenas, conflicts between introverts and extroverts are common. Many of these disputes can be avoided by understanding the world view of the two types.

Extroverts are characteristically the life of the party. They adapt easily to new situations and make friends quickly. They have a high tolerance for noise and changes in routine. In fact, they prefer a flexible environment and may find stable conditions suffocating. They have a tendency to start new projects with vigor and then abandon them when they lose interest. They are social creatures who are affected by public opinion and concrete reality. They are not generally comfortable with introspection. When troubled by a problem, they tend to seek comfort in friends or lose themselves in hectic schedules. Their focus may be so outer-directed that they don’t pay attention to their own body’s needs until they become ill from overwork or from over-extending themselves. At an extreme, the extrovert may adjust himself to his surroundings so often that he becomes a ‘chameleon’ and loses his own sense of self. To the introvert, the extrovert may seem to be shallow, undependable or loud.

Introverts are characterized by a reflective nature and tend to keep to themselves. They are predominately motivated by internal factors and are suspicious of public opinion and group demands. They prefer the familiar surroundings of home and intimate times with a few close friends. They are often seen as being aloof as they are not generally ‘joiners’ and are not comfortable at large, noisy gatherings. The larger the crowd, the more lost and uncomfortable the introvert becomes. Extroverted activity tends to drain them and at extremes may leave them prone to chronic fatigue. To the extrovert, the introvert may seem to be inhibited, boring or self-centered.

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Because of their opposite strengths and weaknesses, a relationship between an introvert and an extrovert can be rich and long-lasting, as long as both are willing to take the other’s personality into consideration. An introvert may be curious about a new activity and find an extrovert opening the door for him. An extrovert may envision a large project, but balk at tackling the small details that are the realm of the introvert. The introvert may plan without acting, the extrovert may act without planning. The extrovert deals easily with the outside world, the introvert tends passionately to the home world. This type of partnership can be beneficial to both people if they take the time to learn the other’s ‘language’ and to become aware of their partner’s probable reaction to various situations. Tolerance and compromise are necessary if a couple is to accent their collective strengths and downplay their weaknesses.

Extroverts are often frustrated by the introvert’s aversion to socializing. A compromise option is to agree to balance social activities with solitary ones: the two of you agree to go to that great party on Friday and then to that new art exhibit on Sunday. By allowing an introvert frequent solitude and ample transition time between activities, an extrovert may find her partner more willing to accompany her to social events. It’s important for extroverts to remember that introverts can become numbed when they encounter too much energy at once and that they tend to be day-dreamers who get lost in their own thoughts. An extrovert who expects constant declarations of love may be disappointed by a less-vocal introvert companion. Introverts may not shout their love from the rooftops, but they demonstrate it quietly through small gestures and unspoken loyalty. Remember that introverts are very selective about who they let into their private lives so their presence is proof of their feelings.

Introverts are often frustrated by the extrovert’s constant activity level, but they need to realize that extroverts soon become miserable when forced to live an introverted life. To meet the needs of both types, an extrovert can be encouraged to attend two out of three social events on his own and the introvert will accompany him to the third. By allowing an extrovert time with groups and ample leeway for spontaneity, an introvert may find his partner more willing to join him on quiet walks. It’s important for introverts to remember that routine and isolation are anathema to extroverts, who tend to live in the moment and thrive on adventure. An introvert who expects to be the center of an extrovert’s attention may be disappointed by their social companions. An extrovert may love an introvert completely, but it’s unrealistic to expect them to shut themselves off from the world to prove it. Remember that extroverts tend to leave environments that they find restrictive, so their presence in a relationship is proof of their devotion.

Like any relationship, a partnership between an introvert and an extrovert requires constant communication and a commitment to understanding the other’s viewpoint. The reward for this extra effort can be great, giving the extrovert a view to the inner world and the introvert an entry into the outer world.