Adolescent Sex Education

A feature article by Lewis Aalders, Dec 13, 2001         

Summary: Traditional attempts at sex education have proven ineffective in reducing incidents of teenage pregnancy and venereal disease. An alternate mode of sex education, known as "outercourse", may prove more effective in achieving these desired goals.

 
The traditional method of sex education that has been used most widely in North American schools is based essentially on two principles. The first principle is "Don't!", and the second principle is "but if you do, these are some of the really awful diseases that you are likely to catch!". And it seems that rather extreme scare tactics are commonly used in describing such diseases. Further, the "very fragile nature" of condoms is then demonstrated by rolling condoms down over the rather sharp protrusions at the tip of a banana. If some condoms get punctured in the process, well, that just emphasizes that you should never trust condoms! And that seems to be about all that most traditional sex education courses consist of.

On the surface of it all, that sounds quite okay. Kids are told what to do and what not to do. What more can you say? But the essential point here is that in study after study after study, when the results of such courses are actually measured against a standard, the pregnancy and disease incidence following such traditional courses has been found to be no different than where no sex education of any kind had been offered. In other words, the "don't do it!" courses may make the teachers feel real good, but they have no measurable effect whatsoever on the students.

The term "outercourse" has been around for a few years. It is similar in meaning to sexual intercourse, with the one major exception that the male partner's penis and the female partner's vagina are never allowed to touch each other. Everything else is fully acceptable, including kissing, necking, petting, manual masturbation, and oral sex (both cunnilingus and blow jobs).

When adolescents reach the age of puberty, the changes that take place gradually within their bodies are really huge. You can readily see the physical changes, but the hidden emotional changes are just as dramatic. In evolutionary history, that is the age at which sexuality and reproduction began. And today, our urge to initiate heterosexual intercourse at that age is just as strong as it was for adolescents many thousands of years ago. But our society today consistently says "No! Wait for ten years! And then you can get married. And only then will we approve of you having sex."

That situation gets really frustrating for young teenagers. Why cannot they have sex? Especially if they promise to be very careful about it? And many unhappy teenagers, or even most, will try experimenting with sex on the sly, and with little or no knowledge of the standard caveats that should be followed. Traditionally, society has conspired against young people by keeping all knowledge of sex and birth control completely out of their reach. And kids having sex with little or no knowledge of the subject can readily be predicted to get into real trouble.

Church teachings have traditionally been the most effective curbs on teenage sexuality. But with the development of the birth control pill in the 1950s, and with the steady decline in church attendance in recent years, the church is having less and less influence on teenage sexuality. But the hormonally driven frustrations are still there in strength, and with the religious curbs against them being less and less effective, such frustrations are expressed more and more as teenage rebellion, violence, vandalism, and the ever increasing use of alcohol and other mood influencing drugs. The situation is not at all a pretty one, and it has the vibrant potential to get a whole lot worse.

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With outercourse activity, there are two separate phases. There is "the giving phase" and there is "the receiving phase". In the giving phase, the boy may initiate activity by touch or by word of mouth. The girl should feel perfectly free, either (1) to allow the boy to continue, (2) to not allow the boy to continue, or (3) to suggest conditions under which he may continue. Having been the initiator and with permission to proceed, he then has the obligation to provide for her the most acceptable outercourse experience that he possibly can. If at any time during such activities the girl begins to suspect that he is pleasuring himself at her expense, then she should feel free to ask him to cease, to stop, to quit. And of course he is obligated to do just that. If he refuses or protests at all, then she should consider dropping that guy and finding herself a new outercourse partner.

Similarly, when the girl wishes to pleasure the boy, she should devote herself completely to providing the very best possible experience for him. Once her finger makes physical contact with his penis, she should strive to continue pleasuring him until he reaches a satisfactory orgasm.

After a boy and girl have known each other favorably and for quite a reasonable length of time, and a comfortable level of honesty, trust and respect has been established between them, they will probably want to experiment with full sexual intercourse. With proper use of a condom, this should be reasonably safe physically, but there may be a different mental dynamic. The girl should realize that, once his penis has entered her vagina, her partner may behave somewhat like an arrow released from the nock of a bow. It is going to speed rapidly and directly to the target, and it would require a major effort to alter it from that course. After such an experience, the girl may have the uncomfortable feeling that she has been "used", simply as a means to satisfy a male's lust. Other males (hopefully) might exercise better self control and be much more responsive to the girl's feelings and wishes.

With adequate birth control, a well matched couple might choose ultimately to dispense with condoms altogether and to enjoy full scale sexual activities unencumbered. This happy situation might continue for some extended period of time provided that both partners are fully open and honest with each other, and that they maintain a very high level of mutual trust and respect.

It would be of great help to teenagers who are really trying to do the responsible thing if their parents would "come on board". Parents might help by (1) giving their child moral permission to carry on outercourse activities, as appropriate. (2) offering to help the inexperienced child and the child's partner to learn whatever is necessary to carry on such activities safely. (3) offering to help screen potential outercourse partners before any physical activity is begun. (4) offering to protecting the couple from interruptions and/or intrusions during their intimate activities. (5) offering to monitor certain outercourse activities to guard against the possibility of force or coercion being used. And especially (6) being open to non-judgmental discussion of anything and everything that the child would like to discuss.

Lewis E. Aalders, Ph.D.
Research Scientist

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