Break-Up Survival Guide

Swiss-born psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross described the five classic stages of the coping with grief and loss. According to Kubler-Ross, a person experiencing loss will go through all of the stages, in any order.

The five stages are:

• Denial
  
• Resentment
  
• Bargaining
  
• Depression
  
• Acceptance
  

If you are experiencing loss and grief right now, if you have recently ended or are in the process of ending a relationship, I would like to support you in moving through it in an empowering way. I've created the following list of suggestions for you to keep handy to help you cope:

Remember that you...

• will feel pain
  
• have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well
  
• will feel lonely
  
• are ok and lovable
  

• the relationship is over
  
• your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him/her
  

• yourself
  
• personal growth
  
• self care
  

• yourself
  
• your ex
  

• the magnificence of who you are
  
• your part in the relationship break-up
  

• grieve
  
• be alone
  
• recover
  

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• get touch, from friends or a body therapist
  
• have someone to come home to sometimes, like a relative or a friend
  

• your community
  
• yourself
  
• your future
  
• your dreams
  

If you're experiencing the end of a short-term relationship, consider the following:

Realize that...

• the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about your past
  
• if you start healing your past, the pain will subside
  
• holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached and in pain
  

• your ex partner
  
• all of your ex partners
  
• your parents
  

• room to grieve
  
• room to grow
  

• a community
  
• self-esteem
  
• a life that you love
  

Whether you are ending a long-term or a short-term relationship:

• don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving
  
• trust that when ready you will attract the right partner
  
• welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve
  

It's through self-evolution that you will be able to create the relationship of your dreams

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. This article was originally published by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many relationship resources you can find at www.WhatItTakes.com. Other resources include relationship advice, quizzes, coaching and classes. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com and learn to become a True Love Magnet(tm)!