Getting More Out Of Your Online Dating Experience

A feature article by Thomas Jordan, Apr 12, 2008         

Get More Out of Your Online Dating Experience

Dr. Thomas Jordan

Many online dating services promise a volume of possible love prospects. What they want you to believe is that the more single people you are exposed to the greater your chances of finding someone to love. The problem they overlook is that many disappointed lovers are unconsciously guaranteeing their own love-life disappointments by making the same limited love-life choices over and over again. Volume by itself cannot guarantee a love-life connection especially when you are still unaware of your love-life patterns. You can increase your chances of a love connection by becoming aware of the ways you jeopardize your love-life with self-defeating thoughts, feelings, and actions while looking for, committing to, or leaving an expired love relationship. Other dating services offer estimates of compatibility to people looking for love. Usually in the form of survey results that identify compatible people with a measure of interests and other personal indicators. The assumption is that their measures of compatibility will increase the likelihood of a love connection more significantly than chance. Whether assessments of compatibility improve the possibility of falling in love is a matter of statistical analysis. If anything, the experience itself of completing a detailed compatibility survey nurtures the hope of finding a compatible lover. My concern, however, is that the multiplication of prospects and forecasts of compatibility only fan the hope of a love connection without becoming conscious of the personal complications and frustrations involved. Many people using online dating services are in need of information that will psychologically prepare them for the love they seek and highlight more effective ways of being in love. It is now possible to get personalized love-life information anonymously from professionals online http://www.lovelifeworkshops.com. Providing people with the personalized love-life information they need is the key to a successful love-life. So when prospects are plenty and compatible, and the chemistry of love occurs, people who are prepared will respond in ways that encourage the growth and endurance of a love relationship. One of the more common tragedies in human experience occurs when the chemistry of love emerges to someone unknowingly unprepared to receive it. We all know that true love comes infrequently to most people anyway. You have to be mentally ready for love when it arrives and you need to know how to keep love healthy over time. Being mentally ready for love means having an accurate perception of the experience of love, a healthy sense of oneself as an independent person in love, along with the ability to form and preserve a friendship with your lover. Sustaining love requires an enduring interest in developing a capacity to communicate along with an ongoing development of one’s psychological independence in love. Without a conscious recognition of what works and what does not work in your love-life it is more likely you will repeat what doesn’t work over and over again creating the same old chronic disappointment. Once you have reviewed and identified your particular love-life psychology you can begin changing the dissatisfying consequences it creates in your love-life. The first step is to know that you have a personal love-life psychology. A personal pattern of relating to love that determines the quality and satisfaction in your love-life. From there it becomes possible to do something different. To learn something new about love in the ways you think, feel, and act when you look for it, find it, or commit to it. Like everything else in life, once something new is learned it becomes a part of the way we live through practice.

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Thomas Jordan, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, and university professor. He is the author of “Individuation in Contemporary Psychoanalysis,” a unique study of psychological development in adulthood. As a continuation of his work, Dr. Jordan has developed the concept of “love-life psychology” as the identifiable psychological pattern that generates repetitive love-life experience. He created a convenient and very affordable method of helping people create a healthier love-life psychology by founding the Love-Life Workshops at www.lovelifeworkshops.com, an online professional service that offers personalized love-life information to anonymous participants. For additional information, go to lovelifeworkshopsblog.com.

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