Ten Ways to Triumph Over Crisis

Stuff happens. An unexpected crisis can throw you into a fog. It could be anything, an accident, a serious illness or a random violent crime. Sometimes a crisis has been brewing below the surface: divorce, death, or an escalation of a loved one's mental illness or dementia.

Do you walk through in a maze with overwhelming life challenges? If so, you can take control. It doesn't have to define who you are.

First, be careful. Hang on. During times of intense misfortune, it becomes easier and easier to slip away. We listen to other people tell us how we should feel, what we should do and how we should act. The irony is the more we allow others to direct us, the less in touch we are with our true feelings and what we want to do. That's when your sense of who you are slips away. Your soul is suffocating. You feel overwhelmed and powerless.

Here's how to reclaim your life now:

1. Be your own advocate. What do you think you need? It doesn't matter if other people feel your needs are unnecessary or extravagant. Nancy's mom, Ethel, was getting out of the hospital, she had been dehydrated, depressed and becoming more frail and confused. Ethel would need someone to check on her daily. Nancy's brothers just assumed Nancy would do it. She lived nearby and only worked part-time. When they told Nancy of their decision, she first felt guilty. She had a life of her own. Her youngest son, Todd, didn't drive yet and was in all sorts of activities. Nancy usually rushed from work to do housework, errands and run Todd around. Although her job was part-time, she often stayed over to get everything done. She also volunteered at church and could hardly keep up with that. Her friends had been encouraging her to go to yoga with them. Nancy was ready to sign up. Her doctor said it would be good for her arthritis and stress.

Nancy had to be her own advocate. It was difficult, but with support she refused to allow the “shoulds” or guilt to be a factor. Remember: There are always options and alternatives. Taking into consideration her own needs and her desire to do what she could for her mom, Nancy proposed that her brothers take turns calling mom every day and let her know when of a concern. The hospital social worker set up community resources and some in-home help for additional support and safety. Nancy checks in a couple days a week, on different days and times, depending on her schedule. The older grandchildren also got involved and started stopping by grandma's for visits. If Ethel needs more care, they will set up more resources and look at all options. Nancy's mom is actually benefiting more from so many family members being involved. Realizing her power, Nancy started leaving work on time, said “no” to volunteer requests and signed up for yoga. 2. Limit Stress. No matter how minor it may seem, stay away from people and situations that aggravate you. Aunt Betty may mean well, but if you are upset every time you see her, stay away. Why put up with anything you don't have to? 3. Fix what's broken. Slowly work on getting life back in alignment. For example, are you a workaholic who didn't spend enough time with your spouse and kids? If you are going through a divorce, use this time as a turning point. Make the time you have with your kids, quality time. Really enjoy it, don't just go through the motions. Rose owned her own business. She wanted to spend more time with her kids but something pressing always took priority. Now, Rose protects the time she has scheduled with her kids by not even bringing work home when they are there. Instead of glancing over at a drawing she gets down on the floor to color with them. 4. Accept help. Be open to people who are healing for you. Do not feel obligated that you can only receive if you give back immediately. Many people enjoy giving. Give back or give to others when you are able. Giving and receiving are part of the same energy flow. Don't block it. Keep your heart open. 5. Speak your truth. Staying silent creates so much internal stress during times of strong emotion. If your loved one is unstable, alcoholic or abusive, be sure you are not enabling the situation. Tell them how you feel, set clear boundaries and enforce them. Staying quiet to keep the peace may feel appropriate at times, but if this is a pattern that you are living, it's very destructive. Kayla was a successful businesswoman with 2 children. John, her husband of 14 years often had erratic behavior resulting in violence. Kayla was always quiet in an attempt to not escalate the situation. Kayla was nervous and had severe headaches. One day she realized she didn't have to live this way. She started speaking up and told John she wouldn't tolerate the violence anymore. John didn't listen and Kayla divorced him. Kayla set and enforced boundaries for her safety and her children. Kayla now speaks her truth. Her health has improved and she is empowered. 6. Have fun. Joy is healing no matter what crisis you are facing. Do things big and small that make you happy, every day. Schedule time for it. The more you make joy a priority, the faster the healing. 7. Control what you can. Everyone wants the pain to end immediately, but too often the factors are beyond your control. Ethan's wife ran up a large gambling debt. He divorced her, but still had half of the debt to pay. Ethan was distraught and found it hard to concentrate on anything else. He didn't run it up; it wasn't fair that he had to pay. Ethan realized he just had to figure out what he could do and focus on the solution. He checked into bankruptcy and didn't want to go that route. He was able to set up payment plans with different credit cards and negotiate the debt. Ethan also got a second job, which was part time two weekends a month. Ethan still had time to enjoy his life and stopped worrying because he knew he was able to make the reduced payments and keep his credit on track. As an added bonus he met some new friends at his second job. When you focus on what you can control and let the rest go, life falls into place much easier. 8. Rest. Many people live with sleep deprivation. Poor sleep has been linked to everything from depression to obesity and even diabetes. Good and adequate sleep is linked to all of the opposites, especially well-being. There are rarely true emergencies. You can do less and survive. Spend time in stillness. Your mind, body and spirit will thank you. 9. Be hopeful. Appreciate positives and practice gratitude daily. No matter how minor the positives in your life seem right now, focus on them and they will multiply. Tell yourself what a good job you are doing. Bethany was a divorced, struggling, working mom with three sons. She could only afford to rent a run down house that needed a lot of work. She felt depressed every time she walked in the door. Bethany realized that many people in her situation didn't even have a house to live in, she was grateful that she and her kids had a roof over their heads. She started decorating each room with little pictures and knick-knacks that she really loved. Now when she walked into the house she loved seeing her favorite things. Her whole attitude changed. The house she hated became a home she loved. When you see things in the best light, you feel better and your life is better. 10. Practice acceptance. Life is not fair. Look around you and see many people living with whatever injustice you are suffering. There are inspiring stories everywhere of people who have surmounted even worse calamities. Once you accept your life as it is, it can change. When you resist it, you are stuck. Free yourself through acceptance. Your crisis doesn't have to be a life long burden. How you deal with it can make all the difference in your world. What good can you take from it? Mothers Against Drunk Driving is just one example of people who took their personal tragedies and turned them into something meaningful. What can you take from yours? Keep this thought in the back of your mind; it may take time to see it. It can be a simple insight or a profound epiphany. Have faith that you will emerge stronger and wiser than you have ever been before.

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