Dating - The Body Language Game

A feature article by an Alumbo member, Mar 28, 2008         

Summary: So you’re finally there, the big night. You’ve spent the past three weekends sitting at home. The first weekend you spent watching the crack on the ceiling grow. The second weekend changed your life.... that’s the weekend that you discovered Meet2Go and your new life of dating and fun began. Last weekend, you waded through the dozens of emails and found the one. Or at least, he was the top on your list. Okay, he was top on the list for this weekend. Next weekend, you already have a new number one picked out. For the first time, finding a compatible, attractive date was the easy part. And it didn’t involve your Mother, Aunt, or hair dresser. There is a lot of preparation that needs to be done, and not much time to do it. Aside from finding a new outfit to wear and making sure that everything is perfect, the big question is “how do I know what he’s thinking?”

 
So you’re finally there, the big night. You’ve spent the past three weekends sitting at home. The first weekend you spent watching the crack on the ceiling grow. The second weekend changed your life.... that’s the weekend that you discovered Meet2Go and your new life of dating and fun began. Last weekend, you waded through the dozens of emails and found the one. Or at least, he was the top on your list. Okay, he was top on the list for this weekend. Next weekend, you already have a new number one picked out. For the first time, finding a compatible, attractive date was the easy part. And it didn’t involve your Mother, Aunt, or hair dresser. There is a lot of preparation that needs to be done, and not much time to do it. Aside from finding a new outfit to wear and making sure that everything is perfect, the big question is “how do I know what he’s thinking?” Let’s set the stage: It’s the first date, so Italian food is out, so is anything excessively noisy and smoky. After all, you need to talk to him and learn a little more about him, while you sell yourself like only you can. The two of you decide to meet for sushi at the Japanese place near your office. After you spend your entire afternoon preparing, you rush up to the door of the restaurant, and casually stroll through it, all the while presenting yourself as if you planned to be 15 minutes late. You see him as soon as you come through the door and he stands up to meet you, gives you that great smile that has all the girls gossiping, and shakes your hand with both hands, one on top, one on bottom. How do you read his body language? With these tips, you may be able to keep one step ahead of him. Eye Contact: One of the first things to notice is his eye contact. Of course he’s looking at you, but is his gaze fixed on you? People who are interested tend to hold eye contact for a few extra seconds. Not long enough to be considered staring, and thus scaring, but long enough to take the person in. If you’re able to, watch his pupils. If they dilate, it’s often an uncontrollable sign of interest. However, this is a hard one to master. Body Position: Is he facing you squarely, or positioned away from you? If your “target” is truly interested, men (and ladies!) tend to position themselves squarely at the person which they are talking to, presumable to pay full attention to that person. Ever talk to someone while they’re angled 45 degrees and reading the paper? Without saying a word, you know that this person isn’t interested. If the person is squared up with you, like a tackle getting ready to sack the quarterback, you know that they’re interested. Hopefully not in tackling you, or at least not until after dinner! The Touch Barrier: Outside of shaking hands, we tend only to touch people that we find attractive. And this all starts with a little touch. It may start with him telling an animated story and putting his hand on your arm while he acts out a scene, or helping you navigate through a crowed restaurant. Once the touch barrier is broken, all things can change. “Mirroring”: It’s often unknown and unnoticed when it’s done, but mirroring takes place everywhere. A sales person mirrors his client in the meeting, when talking a general employee mirrors their boss at the coffee machine, and so on. Mirroring takes place when we repeat the same gesture that someone else is making. If you’re talking to someone and they cross their arms, if we’re paying attention to them we often, instinctively, cross our arms as well. It’s a sign of attention. When you lean forward, does he lean forward also? If you lean back, does he follow? If so, you could be working your way to a second date! Mirroring may not only be physical, but we also tend to mirror the tones of voice that people use. If someone is talking in a hushed tone, we tend to move closer and lower our voice as well, and the same is true with the opposite. If someone is talking in a louder tone, we may raise our voice a bit to compare. While these four items can be reliable, don’t count on them to work 100% of the time. People are different, and cultures are different. Some cultures naturally talk loud and with wild hand gesticulations, while others are more reserved, speaking in softer tones with hands neatly folded. Be sure to take your time, pay attention to both what the person is saying, and how they are saying it. From there, you’ll be able to get a good idea of how to proceed. Does Mr. This Weekend still stand a chance, or will you confirm that new date from Mr. Next Weekend?

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