God and Mel Gibson

Mel Gibson is going to heaven. His wife, an Episcopalian who is a “much better person” than he is, is going to hell. How do we know? Mel told us so.

The producer and director of the sadistic, controversial and therefore highly profitable film, “The Passion of the Christ,” is fortunate enough to be a Catholic, which guarantees him a place in heaven. All of the rest of us, including all Protestants, are destined for eternal damnation according to Mel.

In a recent interview with the “Herald Sun” in Australia, Mel proclaimed, “There is no salvation for those outside the Church. My wife is a saint. She prays, she believes in God, she knows Jesus, she believes in all that stuff. And it’s just not fair if she doesn’t make it; she’s better than I am. But that’s a pronouncement from the Chair. I go with it.”

Funny, I always thought that God was just. And that Jesus said we shouldn’t judge people. But according to Mel, only the 1.1 billion Catholics in the world have a shot at heaven. That leaves the other 5.5 billion of us (83% of humanity) to burn in hell for eternity, no matter how good we are, even if we believe in Jesus. Kind of makes you just want to give up and go murder some folks, if it won’t make any difference in the (very) long run.

Mel knows this isn’t fair, but it is not his to understand. It’s a pronouncement from the Chair—the Pope—the greatest mind of the 15th century. I mean once you become Pope, you’re infallible; everyone knows that.

OK, maybe it is just that Protestants go to hell. After all, they understand Christianity and that their deviant religions are offshoots of the One True Religion. They should know better and if they don’t, well it’s their own damn (literally) fault. They had their chance; don’t blame Mel.

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But what about the 4.4 billion people (2/3 of humanity) who aren’t Catholic or Protestant? Well, we all know that they’re basically heathens. Never mind the fact that the vast majority of them happened to be born in countries where Christianity wasn’t an option and never mind the fact that most of them are moral, law-abiding citizens. The Chair says they’re out of luck unless they have the extreme good fortune to run into a Catholic (not just Christian) missionary and be converted. Now can you see why their call is so urgent?

Mel’s (and The Chair’s) proclamation sounds eerily like some of the dogmatic nonsense we hear coming from fanatics from another religion. Hint: suicide bombers having 76 virgins when they reach heaven.

And what about the hundreds of millions of people who had the severe misfortune to have been born before Jesus even existed? Well, this is not for us to understand—God works in mysterious ways.

How fortunate for Mel to be among the chosen few who know they are going to heaven. And what is wrong with the rest of us, including Mel’s wife, that we have such a cavalier attitude about an issue as important as eternal salvation? Could it be that deep down inside at some level we all know, or at least suspect, that there is no Happily Ever After?

In a way I’m envious of Mel. His world is very black and white. It doesn’t require any insight or introspection. Just join the club and follow the rules.

Darn these shades of gray.

John Penberthy is the author of the spiritual allegory—now in 11 languages—To Bee or Not to Bee (Sterling Publishing). Available in bookstores, including Barnes & Noble, throughout North America. View the 60 second Preview and send free ecards at www.ToBeeBook.com/.

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