Darkness Or Daylight

A feature article by peb, Dec 21, 2007         

It was still dark outside. A peacefully quiet time of day 4:45 a.m. I awoke, slowly, in a natural and relaxed manner, rather than one of those startling awakenings from a bad dream or a sudden noise. The peace of the environment both internal and external was sublime. It was one of those moments when one stretches somewhat blissfully from under the covers, a bit like sensing the pleasure exuding from a cat when it performs a long stretch, head to toe, with eyes closed and a smile to it’s face. A quiet moment in the stillness pervades my mind and all seems well during that fleeting moment.

Awakening, however, nearly instantly thoughts intrude of bills to pay, work to do, errands that must be run. I run through the items that I forgot to do yesterday. The peaceful stillness is shattered by the necessities and obligations of the day and items left undone in the past. Bliss evolves rapidly into irritation and a sense of hopelessness. Another bleak and exhausting day seems to begin to loom before me.

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Yet, what of that fleeting moment of utter contentedness that I experienced only moments prior. I angrily punish myself internally with deep self criticism for letting the moment slip away and alter the present into banality bordering on unhappiness.

Could it be possible to maintain that moment of bliss even given obligations both past and future? I shut my eyes so as to see within. Deep within I feel a flickering tentative spark like a pilot light attempting to ignite against the elements.

Could this day, even given its obsticales, be lived in happiness and hopefullness? A full day of gratitude despite the weight of the future moments or the burden of moments past? Could I try with simple resolve, a seemingley sensible answer to it all?

Living from moment to peaceful moment without overexamining the burdens of the future or the errors of the past. Accomplishing while remaining at peace. A day of bliss ending in resful sleep in lieu of a bleak day followed by restlessness and uncertainty.

I think I will try.

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