Don't take anything personally.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned recently is: Don't take anything personally.

When I was 14 years old, I was involved in a weekly discovery group in my community. In this group I heard the words shared "What I see in others, I have in myself". That was a very new and strange concept to me at the time but through experience, I now know it to be true.

All the wonderful, positive qualities I see in others, I have in me too. All the not-so-good qualities I see in others, I have in me too. Ouch! I don't like that one so much.

A good friend of mine has a saying "You spot it, you got it!". Living the “You spot it, You got it” principle is a very humbling experience. If I am bitching or complaining about someone, my guidance will whisper in my ear "You spot it, you got it!"

So, as I'm emphatically complaining about how lazy & incompetent my co-worker is, I'm really talking about how lazy and incompetent I am. Again, ouch! When I realize that the qualities I recognize in others are a reflection of myself I can't feel superior or better than anyone else. As Richard Lassiter would say "We're all bozos on this bus!" If I didn't have anything to learn, I wouldn't be here with a physical body on Planet Earth. If you think about it, Planet Earth is a wonderful set up. I just have to look around me at the people and experiences I attract and there are my lessons! I just need to be sincere enough to be aware of the lessons that are right there in front of me, and not blame anyone else.

In one of Francisco Coll's books I learned that if a trait bothers me in someone else, I have that same trait to a certain degree. It may be a greater or lesser degree than that person, but I have it. If I recognize a trait in someone but it doesn't bother me I used to have that trait but I don't any longer.

What I find really fascinating is the fact that if a person doesn't have a trait at all, they won't recognize it in another person at all! Have you ever been in a situation where a friend formed a negative opinion of someone, and you didn't even understand why she felt that way?

I had an experience few years ago that was a good example of this. I've changed the names to keep it private.

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A few years ago, Jon and I presented a workshop to a group of five people. Jon is a lively presenter and often makes jokes. Occasionally during the workshop, Jon and I exchanged some friendly banter. After the class, one of the participants Mary called me and said she felt insulted and uncomfortable by the way Jon talked to me during the workshop. She said it was unprofessional, and she would not attend any more classes and asked me not to contact her again.

Sarah & Lois were in the same workshop, in the same room all day long but their response was quite different. They both loved the workshop and loved the atmosphere in the room. Both of these women are still coming to programs three years later because of the wonderful experience they had that day.

How is it that Mary felt Jon was rude & insulting, while Sarah & Lois felt he was humorous and inspiring? The only difference is Mary's own concepts and habits. Because she is rude herself to a certain degree, she is pre-disposed to seeing others that way. It's more about Mary than Jon.

The next time that someone judges or criticizes you, realize that it is more about what they are seeing in themselves, rather than what you are doing. That being said- it doesn't mean you're off the hook!

We need to take at least 50% responsibility for everything that happens to us. So if someone criticizes me, I don't take it personally, because what they see in me they have in themselves. But I do take it as a wonderful opportunity for regrouping and self-awareness. I evaluate what I did to attract that experience. My guidance helps me see my part in it and what I could do differently next time. Again, this is a very humbling experience!

Here are the key principles:

• You spot it, you got it!
• You attract your experiences, and are at least 50% responsible for everything that happens to you.
• Live and let live
• Calm, cool and collected
• Don't take anything personally.

These principles are simple, but not so easy to put into practice! Remember, inch by inch it's a cinch. Take time to regroup at the end of the day with your angels so that if you are attracting experiences you don't want, you can understand what you need to do differently.

Melissa Kitto is co-founder of the Balanced Living Institute. An organization offering live workshops and long distance learning for Practical Spiritual Living. Everyone has inner guidance and ESP! Visit www.BalancedLivingInstitute.com or call 540 854 4841

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