Women's Unfulfilled Dreams

A feature article by Carol McKay, Mar 26, 2006         

Ho hum.

Who of us hasn't had the experience of looking longingly (even jealously) at women we know who've followed their dreams? She opened a business. She traveled the world. She retired early. She found a great partner.

What does she know that you are missing? What gave her the strength to pursue her dreams?

The first step in answering these questions is to examine our Bugbear Voice. You may not call it by the same name, but I know you've heard the Bugbear. It's that inner voice that quashes our quests, gobbles our goals, disrespects our desires, and destroys our dreams. The Bugbear Voice stops our forward momentum. It knows exactly what to say to freeze us in our tracks.

The Bugbear is what my mother called that little nuisance voice that made me question myself. "I'll never learn this - I'm not smart enough," I'd say. And mom would reply, "That's just your Bugbear talking." I doubt that the Bugbear ever leaves completely, but now I'm able to send him on vacation from time to time. Acknowledging the Bugbear and then replacing his hurtful words with messages of empowerment has changed the way I approach the pursuit of my own dreams.

The Bugbear Says: It's too late; you're too old, why bother?
It doesn't matter if you're in your 20's or your 80's - if you believe it's too late to pursue a dream, it is. But, a slight shift in your thinking can quiet the Bugbear and give you the kick you need.

What if this is exactly the right time for you? What if you HAD to know what you know now before your dream could become reality? What if everything you've done to this point was exactly what you needed to do for that dream to manifest?

I love this story: Margaret "Peg" Phillips was a retired accountant when she began taking acting classes at age 65. In 1990 she was cast in the role of Ruth-Anne Miller, the shop keeper in the television series "Northern Exposure" (1990). The role was supposed to be only intermittent, but Peg's portrayal won the hearts of viewers, and Ruth-Anne became a regular role.

Do you suppose Peg ever heard the Bugbear telling her she was too old to follow her dreams? I bet she did. But, hearing the voice doesn't mean we have to believe it. And it doesn't mean we have to put aside our dreams.

The Bugbear Says: You might fail! That would be worse than just staying where you are!
Failure is such an odd concept. As far as I can see, the only true failure anyone has ever experienced is giving up. Sometimes things don't go as we'd planned (or as we'd like). But when that happens, what is the outcome really telling you? It's really just indicating we need to try it another way, or try another plan, or shift our thinking, or take different steps.

Any number of metaphysical teachings suggest there is no such thing as failure. And, along the same line, there's also no such thing as success. What if these are just concepts from which you can learn information to help you on your path? Any outcome can be used simply as feedback. Even something that feels like success is merely telling you, "That was a positive, powerful step to take."

When something feels like failure, we can do ourselves a favor to look for the information in that outcome. Is it really suggesting you change the course? Or perhaps you might try directing your energy in a different way. Is the outcome asking you take a bigger view of what you've done to this point, and ask yourself whether you need to alter your path?

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Contemplate some of these "failures":
.Thomas Edison's teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
.Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
.A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he had no good ideas.
.After Steven Spielberg dropped out of high school in his sophomore year, he was persuaded to come back and placed in a learning disabled class. He lasted a month and dropped out of school forever.

These people would never be considered failures. Even after setbacks, they each achieved their dreams. Neither do you have the capacity to "fail". You only have the option of learning or not learning. The choice is yours. And, the universe is waiting for you to make the choice that best serves your dream.

The Bugbear Says: You don't have the energy; you can just barely keep up with your day!
Imagine coming home from a particularly difficult day. You know - one of "those" days. You are exhausted. You just barely make it in the door, flop down on the sofa and kick your shoes off. At that very moment, the telephone rings.

It's your best friend, who is obviously very excited. She reminds you of that lottery ticket you bought together, and she says she was just checking the numbers, and - lo and behold -you hit 5 out of 6 numbers for a pay-off of $2000.

You leap off the sofa. As you dance around, you make plans to meet your friend for dinner. You can just barely change your clothes fast enough before you run out the door. You stay out until 11:00 - much later than you normally would on a weeknight - and have a great time celebrating.

Hey? Weren't you tired? Exhausted, in fact? What happened?

Having enough energy is a state of mind. To have more energy, start acting like you have more energy. Psychologists and self-help professionals call it "Act As If". The theory is, if you act as though you already have that which you seek, you will find you do actually have it. It's almost magic.

So, tell the bugbear you have plenty of energy...more than enough to accomplish everything you desire. And then, prove it's true. Just by making the decision to have more energy, you will find you HAVE the energy necessary to move you toward your dreams!

The Bugbear Says: You're being selfish if you focus on YOUR dreams.
Traditionally, women are raised to believe selfishness is a bad thing. Women should be giving, nurturing and concerned more with others needs than their own. Women should not put their own needs first. They should first care for their families, friends, neighbors, extended family, co-workers, distant friends - frankly, we're told to care for every other person on the planet EXCEPT OURSELVES!

According to www.wikipedia.com, selfishness is a primary or sole concern with one's own welfare. Here's my question, ladies: "If not you, who else is going to care you're your needs?" Seriously - who wakes up in the morning with the goal of meeting your needs? If not you, who?

One of the greatest gifts a woman can give herself is the gift of caring for her own welfare. By focusing on one's own needs, and assuring those needs are met, we stay away from the anger, resentment and bitterness that sometimes accompany putting everyone else first. Just imagine for a moment - if you're not feeling resentful, aren't you more available to others? Isn't it likely you will feel good about caring for others if your own needs and dreams come first?

Silencing the Bugbear
The Bugbear voice is typically loud and clear. It's a self-protection devise, keeping us from taking risks and shielding us from imagined pain. But, it's also keeping us from our dreams. If you hear the Bugbear on a regular basis, a personal coach can help you to quiet the voice and see your greatness. I approach the Bugbear as an opportunity to acknowledge what I'm feeling in the moment, and then release the Bugbear to go play somewhere else. For my clients and me, releasing the Bugbear is the first step to making dreams reality!

Carol McKay is a Personal Coach who works with women, helping them to create a safe space to re-energize and reclaim their dreams. In her coaching business, Carol honors women as the perfect individuals they already are, and helps find ways to allow their dreams to manifest in reality. With a combination of coach training and the Sedona Method, Carol helps her clients release their limiting beliefs and allow their perfection to shine! Visit Carol on the web at DreamCoacher.com, by email at Carol@dreamcoacher.com, or by phone - 509-469-1762. Mention your Bugbear when you schedule your conditional consultation and you'll receive a special discount on Carol's 5-Month or 8-Month Coaching Packages.

For a FREE copy of Carol's "Losing your Bugbear" workbook, visit DreamCoacher.com and sign up for her monthly "DreamLift" Newsletter, where each month you'll find inspiration to help lift your dreams and let your spirit soar.

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